light & chemistry.

with one kiss
upon my knee,

watch me explode
into a thousand stars
across your sky:

its so that
i may light your path
and guide you
when you think
you've lost your way.

(*$&$(F@!!

high on caffeine and anxiety,
i'm criss crossing through LA Traffic
counting the pigs as I go
as my mind is wired up: a thousand words flying in every direction
all of them,
begging for attention.
my window is rolled down
music blaring out
and i'm passing a line of cars:
count em:1,2,3,4,
i swerve to nearly miss a jogger
heart is pounding
is it the coffee or how fast i'm driving?

it's the same route everyday
cracked roads and everyone walking their dog:
why the FUCK does everyone have a dog in this god forsaken town??

the music is blaring,
hard, fast and loud
it's to drown out the sound
of the stories swirling in my head
and my heartbeat pounding
to be let out of my chest

i'm hitting every green light
cause the gods love me (today)

fast,faster the wheels turn:
on my car,
in my mind
and the screeching of tires
the soul is burnt out

see the flames rise up out of me
into the morning smoggy LA sky...........................

The Dream of Humans

however awkward this my seem

however dissatisfied life can be

however we walk through the pain

that life sometimes lays upon us

we are all simply living in a dream.

when your heart explodes

with hate or love

know that you are dreaming this.

when people shoot poisonous words

to defeat their own self hatred

know that you are dreaming this.

the dream of humans

is a bubble we live in.

we live our lives

according to the power of words

because words carry massive weight:

they can build or destroy.

and so much of what we do

how we feel

who hurts us, and who loves us

can hook our attention

by casting spells

with their words.

words aimed with good intentions

is magic.

words aimed and loaded with fear,hate,or gossip

is black magic.

the mind is a 

fertile ground

from which words

get planted,

take shape

and grow into

ideas

that get spoken

and become actions.

use your words wisely

because the dream of humans

is a fragile one...

personal freedom is gained

when you realize

that we are all living inside our dream worlds

what you feel,think,do

is entirely all your own.

like being born and dying:

those experiences belong to you

and only you.

same as the path you walk in,

in this life:

your dream world.

know this

and you will be set free.

(The Four Agreements)

-GB

love / hate

Things I really love:

coffee in the morning

Music and finding new bands

friends with open minds & endless creativity

Chimay

SHOES

new places, new faces

exotic food

food. ha

making people laugh

writing

breaking rules

love (who doesn't?)

records

tarot cards

mystery

flirting

dancing

I hate:

judgemental people

bondage

tight clothes

lots of makeup

rules

conventional thinking

dating

wallflowers

flakiness

periods

August

hipsters

Once I was told

remember,
when searching for truth

it is a lot like love:

elusive.

Like This.

He has an italian wife.

They speak lovingly towards one another

she calls him amour

and he scolds her softly

but she cooks 

and smells the house up

with garlic, tomato sauce, warm bread.

she cleans

tends to the children

makes sure he is fed and happy.

she looks like

she needs a good night's rest

after a big plate of pasta.

the children cry

and she soothes them

with an italian accented, "Come here"

She is the pure essence

of what it means to be a woman:

intuitive, naturally graceful under pressure, loving

and knows what it takes to keep her man happy.

but he is

the pure essence of what it means to be a man:

strong, protective, and secure.

my heart swells at their marriage

and breaks

at the same time.

waiting room.

conspiracies and truths

staring into the devils eyes

and nothing has ever

felt so better

words that matter

words that kill

I'm just in it 

for the thrill

deep penetration of thought &memory.

i remember tricky was playing

off in the distance

while

a red light

illuminated the sanctuary

that was his room.

books on photography

books on cinema

a picture of jesus

holding his heart

sheets like heaven

housing bodies of lust.

we are angels

we are devils

in a city

so tired and worn.

we are jaded

we are hopeful

as we walk

the fine line

of children at play

and adults with wounds &memories.

i remember &feel

too much, they say.

and

i don't talk enough

while

he's on his 3rd cigarette

and I'm on my 3rd drink

we stared off into space

hoping the atmosphere

will somehow absorb

the truth that lies between us.

I remember

there's a portrait of jesus

holding his heart

books on photography

books on cinema

a red light

his lingering cigarette smoke

the smell of his skin

sheets housing bodies of lust

and

tricky was playing off in the distance,

while sirens punctured the night

and neighborhood dogs

howled out their infinite sorrows.

my small protest.

makeshift universe, intangible god, and angels, like fog or vapor. lions running under the african sun, leaping into the air, freeze frame. little children with bloated bellies, fingers like hooks inside their innocent mouths. wars on terrorism, wars on drugs, and little personal everyday wars, and chanting monks in the hidden pockets of Tibet and the masses thinking they're going "green" recycle their plastic bottles, while the men in slaughterhouses put down the animals while avoiding their eyes, and no one's learning that violence begets violence, while all of humanity is in deep debt with the universe cause we're all out of self love, dispensed like pocket change at the county fair on the same fucking games. in mexico there's a place where women are disappearing and no one knows why, and they turn up as mutilated bodies, its the secret of the universe to be so cold, and miss america lost her crown on the way to the top, and men have forgotten the idea of courtship and women have forgotten the sanctuary of their bodies. we're stuck like babies inside a trapped womb, (buts its so nice & warm in here) feed the parking meter, cause everything is on its way to becoming expired.lions running under the african sun, little children blown up in wars.....
makeshift universe, intangible god, and angels like fog or vapor.

Just so you know

She's an ethereal creature, riding on waves of pleasure and a good fight. Most men stand back in awe, they don't know how to handle such a wild thing. She moves quickly like fire, you only wish you could keep her. but it's impossible;like trying to hold onto water. And one false move, can keep you shot out and straight to hell. she captures the mind quickly, takes hold, pours herself into you and when you've think you've found the one, fallen hard and wanting more, she's left you for something new. Something more peculiar, fascinating and under the radar...enjoy her while you can...muses are meant to keep moving.

u lose.

it was an emotional counterfeit
i was bamboozled
and
i was confrontational.
but what else is new?

i stared into the abyss
for too long
eyes were drained
from their sockets
brain was a black fuzz of static.
no more i said

so switch the channel.

then i opened my mouth
and a swarm
of verbal hornets flew out:

(i said i was confrontational)

don't act so surprised
when
your lights get turned out

still,
from time to time
i wish i could feel
his arms around me

if only i had not broken them.

maybe.

i could
close my eyes
and i could
imagine his face
the smell of his cologne
still seared into my memory

and if i could
i could sense him coming
and i could
see him sleeping
his back, so smooth
underneath the smiling moonlight

he's imperfect
but perfect

and i could,
with my eyes closed
to the sun
buy into his tricks
keep his secrets
form his world
i would keep it forever
i know what love is
now
i know
and i won't be selfish
anymore
and i won't keep us held
falsely together
by mere fantasies and expectations
and i will be good
because i want to be
and i'll be someone's other half
cause i know what love is
now
and because i learned hard lessons
from before
what love wasn't
i know now...
and i could feel him
on his way
walking towards me
in another city
wearing a black coat
and he's thinking the same thing
cause we both know
what love is
now.

the only thing left now,

is for him to exist.

You.

you
doing me
in.
with your eyes
and your skin
and your hands


You
with words like bells
ringing in my ears
waves of pleasure
casting their spells
doing me
in.

You
doing me
in
ever so slightly
like chinese water torture.

With that arm
around my waist
swing me over to your side
hearts colliding
and worlds sliding,
moments are building.

I won't run.
I'll stay.
meet me half way.

This is not a love poem.

love is everything.

its the ultimate muse.

the great definer.

you could be rich

in money, in health, in material things

but love,

the great love,

is the fire burning brightly,

the conclusion

and the meaning.

its the highest mountain

worth to climb;

the divine, within.

a light in the middle of your lost at sea.

the many versions

to one simple thing:

Love is everything.

You can work at anything

but it means nothing

when its void of love.

it is both the flame

and the sanctuary

from a dismal existence.

Thought.

sometimes we're lucky

and we find

what was sought after

sometimes we're blessed

when we get 

what we need

Dream Sequence.

I was standing in

the middle of a dream

transcending above 

the everyday scheme of things

and all the hustlers on these dirty streets

carry secrets like machine guns,

and everyday 

the sun keeps exploding

out of the distant horizon

as we watch in horror

the wars that man has created

the greed that eats away at us

the fast living that does us in

the building of corporations in foreign lands

the spread of a common fear

and the love we're all so desperately seeking...

I was just thinking...

I'd like for him

to speak to me with good intentions

and be courageous enough

to look me directly in the eyes.

His hands 

will be soft for me,

but rough from work.

He's the kind that can speak about 

anything

with a golden heart to match.

He'll keep my secrets,

my embarrassments,

my poems,

my true self

close to his heart

and he'll remember  the little things I like:

how I drink soy with my coffee

and I'm shy about my feet

how I'd rather talk about the scheme of the universe

than go shopping.

He'll understand 

that I'm sensitive

but still strong.

He'll be my soft place to fall

on days when I feel the world 

has misunderstood me, or

has thrown me to the dogs.

and in return, 

I'll be his partner in crime

and open arms to him always,

his safe place to just be.

He'll be man enough to apologize

when he knows it's his fault

He'll be man enough to tell me

when I won't admit my own.

When I've failed to cook an amazing dinner,

he'll sit me on his lap and tell me,

that he loves me for trying and make a joke,

to stop my tears,

 cause he's a good man like that.

...a good man, just like that.

I worry sometimes

if that's too much to ask.

-GB

The purpose of history.

Everything I've ever done

has led me up to this:

this day

this feeling

this crossroad

these bruises marked upon my history.

All the words I've ever written

has led me up to this:

these worries

these feelings

these brand new (heavy) ideas

and no one knows yet what's to become of me.

Still,

I'm on the payroll

standing in line

thinking of that one time:

when you pulled me in

and kissed my mouth

while I closed my eyes

and saw my future, my dreams, my expectations

all fall away.

and I thought up moments

that maybe weren't true

and I said words

I wished I could've said

but in the end,

the history is marked

and all the roads have been taken

and all the punches thrown,

didn't land me anywhere

but sitting here and telling you

what's become of me now.

-GB 3/08

the persistence of truth.

I'm sitting here

with all the weight of the world

sitting upon my shoulders.

I'm sitting here

with the unscrambled messages

swirling inside my stomach.

and I'm nauseous

and I'm afraid

and I'm alone

and I'm sad

and I'm trying to understand

how the universe speaks

while it breaks its promises upon my head

and I'm wondering 

how we all fit 

into this grand scheme

when the world turns itself over

inside of my head

and my heart is breaking

and my soul is unfolding

and my eyes are attempting

to pull you closer with just one look,

while the days jump ahead of me

and time keeps ticking off,

falling off

melting off

into infinity

and I'm aware

and I'm awake

and I'm numb

--

but I don't know how 

to say goodbye,

so I exit out of this room.

-GB

more like a prayer.

the sun screamed its truths upon my face
and all the angels sang in the heavens
while the beasts within were conquered
and the fire burned brightly once more.
--
No man
nor beast (sometimes, they're the same thing)
could ignite this fire within
as brightly,
as the sweetness of words
as the purity of truth
as the rawness of lust

Let the sun burn away
at my heart
Let the fire of passion
melt away my fears
Let the doors of opportunity
be ever so present
and let me accept it all
with humility and grace.

Today.

today the cat doesn't scratch so hard
today the covers held me close
like a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend.
today the traffic moved quickly.

today the sun was hidden
behind shiny white lies
but the day still feels right.

today my lover still hasn't called
but the birds still flew to a new destination.
today opens beautifully
like a brand new rose
that sits in my heart

today is somewhere
between magic and purpose

today the road is unveiling and winding
towards my own brilliant heaven
today is the dream I dreamed of
in a past life
while storm clouds moved in,
and I prayed for salvation
today is summation of all that was before
and all that is yet to be.

all the despair and pain
couldn't conquer me now.

Santa Monica Photograph.

how glorious
the palm trees stand
against the brilliant sun
as if
defiant in its blaze,
challenging the wind
but standing ominous
against the pale blue sky.

You just don't know
the depth of emotion
until you've seen
the turbulance in the waves
of the ocean.
how they crash and pull back
to whip the shore
with its temper
never apologizing
never compromising.

You just don't know
how small & insignificant
it all is
when you stand against
rocks that have been shaved down
from years of the ocean's anger.
and how,
trivial worries are
when the birds
have taken flight
and you realize
everyday is a fight for survival.

much like the human heart
but nothing like
the glorious sun
or all the things
that are dwelling in nature.